Premarital Counseling
Before, rather than after
Most couples who end up in a therapy room have been unhappy for an average of six years before they get there.
That statistic is the entire argument for this page, and the couples who come here are usually the ones who have already made it themselves. Nothing is wrong. You would just rather find out now what you disagree about than discover it in year four.
That is not pessimism about your relationship. It is the same instinct that makes people read the contract.
The first conversation is free and it lasts 55 minutes.
Open seven days a week.
Premarital counseling in Portland, Tigard and across Oregon
In person at our Tigard office, which is fifteen minutes from downtown Portland and closer than that from Beaverton, Tualatin and Lake Oswego. By video anywhere in Oregon when schedules will not cooperate, which with two working people and a wedding to plan is most of the time.
What it costs
$230 for a 55-minute session with a licensed clinician. $205 with a supervised associate.
Most couples do four to six sessions. So the whole thing typically runs $920 to $1,380, and you will know the number before you start.
Insurance generally does not cover premarital counseling, because plans require a diagnosis attached to one person. We are telling you that on this page rather than after your first session.
What we actually cover
The specific places couples find out too late that they assumed different things.
Not budgeting. Whose money it is, what debt comes into the marriage, what one of you thinks is a normal amount to spend without mentioning it, and what each of you learned about money from the people who raised you.
Whether, when, how many, and what happens if that answer turns out to be different from what one of you assumed. Also who does what, which is the question that actually changes marriages.
How much access, whose holidays, what happens when a parent needs care, and how you will handle it the first time one of your families says something.
How each of you was taught to argue. One of you was probably raised where things got loud and resolved. One of you was probably raised where nothing was said for three days. That difference does more damage than the topics do.
Frankly, and without assuming you have the same expectations, because most couples have not actually asked.
Including when it matters more to one than the other, which is common and workable and is better named now.
Who you each expect to do what, and where those expectations came from. Almost nobody has said this out loud.
Which is frequently the first real test of everything above, and which is happening to you right now.
How it runs
Four to six sessions, both of you together, structured rather than open-ended. This is not therapy in the sense of turning up and seeing what comes up. There is a plan and you will know what each session is for.
We will find disagreements. That is a successful session, not a failed one. Finding them here, with somebody in the room whose job is to slow it down, is the entire product.
Nobody gets sided with. Our couples clinicians are Gottman trained and the structure comes from that work, which treats not taking sides as a technical principle rather than a courtesy.
Also available for couples who are not engaged. Long-term partners, people moving in together, and couples who have been married for years and never did this. It works the same.
Who you would see
Two of our clinicians take couples work, a licensed clinician and a Marriage and Family Therapist Associate.
Questions people ask
Is this required for anything?
No. Oregon does not require premarital counseling and does not discount the marriage license fee for it, whatever you may have read. Some officiants and some congregations ask for it, and we are happy to provide confirmation of attendance if yours does.
Will you tell us not to get married?
No. That is not a thing we do or a thing we would be right about. What we will do is make sure you both know what you are agreeing to.
We are already married. Is this for us?
Yes. A fair number of couples do this in year three or year fifteen, usually after realizing they never had some of these conversations.
Can we do it in one long block instead of weekly?
Often, yes. Ask about it on the consultation. It suits couples traveling in and couples with a date approaching.
What if we find something serious?
Then you have found it now, with a clinician in the room, rather than in year four. If it needs longer work, we will say so and there is no obligation to do it here.
Book a free 55 minute consultation
An hour, at no cost, with a clinician rather than an intake screener. Either of you can book it.
Book online · In person in Tigard, by video anywhere in Oregon